*MASSIVE HIGHWAY ACCIDENT CAUSED BY THOUSANDS OF SLIME EELS
*APOCALYPTIC HAIL STORM KILLS SHEEP AND DAMAGES CARS IN SPAIN
*ENORMOUS 220 FT. SINK HOLE SWALLOWS TWO HOMES IN FLORIDA
*GANG OF GOATS TERRORIZES BUSINESS
*D.C. SUBURB ON ALERT AS RACOON ATTACKS LEAVE RESIDENTS STITCHED
*SAN FRANCISCO BANS CHOCOLATE MILK
*15 LB. OF FROZEN SAUSAGE CRASHES ONTO ROOF OF HOME
*GOAT HANGING BY THE HORNS IN POWER LINES RESCUED IN GREECE
*ENORMOUS SINKHOLE SWALLOWS UP BUS IN VERACRUZ, MEXICO
*POLICE OFFICER WITH STUN GUN SETS NAKED MAN ON FIRE
*DOG PULLS FAWN FROM WATER TO KEEP IT FROM DROWNING
*MAN THREATENS TO PULL GUN OVER WRONG TACO ORDER
*ATM SPITS OUT NOTE FROM TRAPPED MAN
*59 YEAR OLD WOMAN GIVES BIRTH TO BABY BOY
*MAN TRIES TO KILL WASPS WITH SMOKE BOMB, BURNS DOWN GARAGE
*ALIENS WARNED ABOUT DONALD TRUMP
*NEW SUPER-SIZED LARGE HADRON COLLIDER IN SWITZERLAND WILL PRODUCE BLACK HOLE ON EARTH
*ROGUE PLANET HEADING TOWARDS EARTH
*NASA TO PLACE NUCLEAR REACTOR ON MARS TO HELP HUMANS ON RED PLANET
*GREAT WHITE SHARK LEAPS INTO AUSTRALIAN FISHERMAN'S BOAT
*CAT FOILS BURGLARY
*MAN BRINGS CAN OF BEER ON PLANE AS CHECKED BAGGAGE
*MUSEUM FINDS CASES OF TWO CENTURY OLD WINE IN ITS CELLAR
*WORKERS PUT PENIS SHAPED ROCK FORMATION BACK UP IN NORWAY
* PROFESSIONAL RUNNER OUTRUNS TWO BEARS WHILE TRAINING IN WOODS
*ESCAPED ELEPHANT STROLLS THROUGH WISCONSIN NEIGHBORHOOD
*MAN WHO NEEDED AIR IN TIRES BOUGHT LOTTERY TICKET, WINS $1M
*SURPRISE!SAILOR COMES HOME TO FIND WIFE 8 MONTHS PREGNANT
*COPS COMB FOR BALD MAN WHO SWIPED ROGAINE IN DETROIT AREA
*MAN SITS IN JAIL WHILE DRYWALL POWDER IS MISTAKEN FOR COCAINE
*AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST,
~ CONGRESS VOWS TO PUT THE PEOPLES' INTERESTS FIRST; CAP ANNUAL SALARIES (hmmm, they didn't say at what level); NO MORE COLA INCREASES; NO MORE VACATIONS, (does this mean they're actually going to work?); REFUSE TO TAKE MONEY FROM LOBBYISTS AND,
START TELLING THE TRUTH....
YEAH, RIGHT~
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| Trust Jack |
