It's late, again. I'm having trouble going back to sleep. The cycle of questions starts once more. Where do trees go when they die? Do they feel pain when they're cut down? How is it that my mind is aware I'm asking these questions? Are we really two souls housed in one body? One soul (bad) is always tugging at the other one to be reckless, rebellious (it says no one will get hurt) and yet the other soul (good) is always on guard making sure we don't do something stupid. I always feel as though I have someone looking over my shoulder, listening to what I say and constantly observing me. Is this what Conscience is? Mankind is on the brink and it's painfully evident that it just can't help itself. I mean, it doesn't learn from its mistakes and every human being that was sent to help us understand ourselves was put to death. How can someone bring themselves to abort a baby? What is love? The Bible says that Love is the strongest emotion. Why do we suffer? What makes us think that earth is going to exist forever? It's been said that we live in a 'cosmic shooting gallery' so, do you really believe that we are just going to continue to exist or will we become extinct like the dinosaurs? Will it be an EMP? Will it be an Asteroid? Will it be the much maligned Planet X that is supposedly lurking on the outskirts of our solar system? Or will it be another Great Flood? How is it that some humans on this planet exist solely for the purpose of killing others? Are these really humans or are they sub-humans? Do animals have souls? Would our lives be better if we didn't have governments? When we die do we go to heaven or hell? Does human life really have any value? Was religion introduced for the purpose of just controlling us by instilling fear into the masses, indoctrination or enlightenment? Why do we have different names for G-d? Why are there different races on earth? How is it that the sun is just the right distance from this planet to sustain life as well as the moon being in just the right location? Coincidence? Is Life an illusion? If so, are we then really all delusional? As I lay in bed, I'm watching the ceiling fan make its solitary rotation, going round and round, listening to the thump, thump thump. I feel barren and devoid of any emotion, caught up in looking at something that does what it was wired to do and nothing else and I just cannot quiet the myriad of questions that haunt me. The ceiling fan is just a piece of metal with no heart, no soul, no purpose in life other than turning on when its chain is pulled and shutting down when it's no longer needed. Come to think of it, we do have something in common. What's it all about, anyway, this struggle we're in? We are born, we live, we die. What's the point? Do we come back if we haven't come to grips with some of our problems, addictions? Why do we come out of the birth canal at 9 months only to find we're in another birth canal (struggle) trying to make our way through life? Why do I wake up at 2 a.m. in the morning pondering things? I talk to myself, I argue and agonize and scrutinize and analyze and think deeply about things only to find myself going in circles and yet I know that right in front of me, taunting me and frustratingly so, just out of my reach, are the answers I seek. Is someone playing a game? Have we been programmed to only know just so much and no more? How did I end up with the parents I had? Did I pick them out or were they randomly selected? Are we going to be visited by ETs in a dramatic way so that governments and bureaucrats and organizations can't deny their presence anymore? Why do we feel pain? Why do we hate each other? I've often thought of stopping by a strange community and knocking on doors introducing myself and saying, "hi, I'm so and so and I just want you to know how much I love you and, I have no animosity toward you". Why are we so afraid to do this, to reach out to each other? To come together? Why can't we get past our differences? Why is there so much hardship and pain and sorrow? If we all could get together and hold hands focusing on what unites us instead of our differences, do you believe this would have a lasting, good and profound affect on all? If you saw a mother slapping her child would you immediately turn her in or walk over and talk with her to see what was wrong? Do you have a temper? Why am I talking to myself so much? Is anyone listening? I listen to hear if anyone answers. Silence. Why are we capable of cruelty? Why are we heterosexual, bi-sexual, homosexual? I don't care, just wondering? Do we exist on other planets? Have ETs solved their differences or are they having as much trouble as we are? Why can't people just admit when they're wrong? Do Demons exist--I have a definite answer for this one--YES. Do angels exist--I have a definite answer for this one, also--YES. If so, then why does it appear that The Adversary is winning and Good is losing? Maybe it has something to do with this--Do we create our own reality? If so then maybe if we unplugged the software program and fired the programmers we could reclaim the life we were all meant to have. One with no suffering or pain, no violence, one of mutual respect and a deep love with selfless service to others. I have a ray of hope....
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