Out of Body

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I've always felt different (like I really don't belong here) and still do to this day although, over the years the feeling has subsided.    When growing up I felt intense feelings of alienation, loneliness, inadequacy, distrust and afraid of my own feelings along with having to deal with others.  I would prefer being alone in my room to meeting and mixing with others.  We moved around a lot and I believe this contributed to the problem.  Three years here and then another three years some place else.  It's hard to make friends and really get to know yourself and others when you're constantly on the move.  This was no one's fault, just the way things were.  My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the same thing and especially when they can't find anyone willing to listen.    It's important to find someone who will.   Unfortunately there will be those you can talk to and others who can't be bothered.    I have always felt that the body I'm housed in is excess baggage that I'm lugging around.  I'm in my skin but it feels "odd."  I'm detached, somehow.  It's like I'm inhabiting this body and going through the mechanisms..you know, talking, feeling, eyes winking, breathing in and out but I'm somehow I'm watching from without at all the things going on within.  Somehow, this body continues to feel "alien" to me.  I'm not at home in here and I'm still in awe as to how it functions.  A skeletal frame that protects and houses organs and covered with arteries and veins and muscles and skin.  Fingers that point; eyes that see, orifices for excreting fluids and ingesting food.  Lungs that breathe in oxygen, exhaling carbon dioxide.  A brain that is constantly analyzing and making decisions, a heart that pumps life-giving blood.  The body makes love, gives birth, cries, laughs, pees, farts, shivers and throws up.  The body I'm in is a miracle that I'm still coming to grips with but it's still like that extra piece of luggage someone convinced you to take on a long trip but if it were really left up to you, you would have left it at home.