1:20 a.m.
I could feel the cold chill emanating off the window. I drew my sweater closer around my shoulders and listened to the wind chimes tinkling softy in the backyard. I thought of my beloved Noot who was no longer with me.
January 4th:
We lost a family member today.
One of my Border Collies had to be put down.
Noot was fifteen years old and was blind and deaf.
Noot and Taz were cousins.
I soon found out that after we got Noot, he could follow directions well but Taz, well let's just say that Taz had what I call DADD (Dog Attention Deficit Disorder).
Both were working livestock dogs.
On their days off, they would love to run and play fetch.
Noot would stay where commanded but Taz, if we didn't watch him closely, would wander off.
Not a good thing because where I am you can become critter bait in a hurry.
In the last year, I noticed that both of them were slowing down.
Adjustments had to be made in the food they ate and where they bedded down at night.
January 2nd:
My Grand Daughters asked me if Noot could play.
"Sure" I said as I let him out of his pen.
About an hour later they came to me and said that there was something wrong with Noot.
I went out to check on him and found him lying on the ground, quivering.
Something had happened but what?
His back legs were splayed out from under him and I had difficulty getting him up.
He growled when I tried to lift him. Something was definitely wrong.
I wondered if it had anything to do with the seizure he had this summer.
January 3rd:
It was becoming clear that I would have to call the vet.
January 4th:
Called the vet to make an appointment for Noot's evaluation.
Damn, I hate that word. It has ominous overtones to it.
I had the niggling feeling as I moved him out of the garage and onto the grass and into the warm sun, that this might be Noot's last day on earth.
He would never again feel the warmth of the sun on his body.
In just two short days Noot was acting like an old man now, having to be constantly monitored, living out his last days in a nursing home, indignant and humiliated that he could no longer take care of his bodily functions, confined to a hospital bed and being shuffled around, railing at his plight and the treatment he was enduring, ornery and growling at the staff as they routinely got him up to be bathed and fed.
It was late afternoon and I had to get Noot ready to go.
Brought the truck around.
Loaded Noot onto his cardboard bed and pulled him toward the tailgate where I had the kennel set up complete with some fresh cedar chips.
It was a chore to load him but I did it, with some help.
All the while I was driving to the vet I felt like a robot, not wanting to think of the outcome.
And yet, in the back of my mind, I think I knew.
The vet had done her analysis and sadly I had to agree.
Tears flowed as the decision to end his life sunk in.
I got down on my knees and gently lifted Noot's head.
I looked into his milky eyes and told him how much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him as he lay helpless on the floor.
"When you're ready", said the vet.
I broke down.
I watched as she inserted the needle into his vein and sobbed, uncontrollably, thinking back to Sunny, my Palomino Mare who had to be put down as I cradled her head in my arms, watching her slowly slip away.
I watched as his body heaved gently up and down.
Then, nothing.
She took out her stethoscope and listened to his heartbeat.
I knew he was gone.
"Do you want us to keep him or do you want to take him home", she asked?
January 5th:
Noot will be buried this morning right next to Abby, my Great White Pyrenees.
I will gently place him in the ground and cover him.
I know there will be more tears as I lay flowers on his grave but I am thankful for the memories he has embedded in me and I still have Taz.
What it really comes down to in life are memories, for aren't memories all we are left with?
Make some memories today.
~~~
"The Soul would have no Rainbow if the Eyes had no Tears" ~ Native American Proverb
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