Monday, August 7, 2017

It's Okay, It's Okay

Fading into the universe, I feel myself becoming one with the cosmos.  Its heavy blackness slowly consuming me, covering me like a warm blanket.  There is something to be said for Nothingness as there is a complete absence of fear.  You've been cocooned.  Nothing can harm you.  I glance around at the stars blinking and twinkling all around me.  As I pass through them they seem to say, "congratulations on a job well done."  Boy, if they ever had any inkling of how many times I screwed up in life, how many times I failed and yet, that doesn't matter to them.  They're welcoming me home, "It's okay, it's okay".  Upward and onward I go and then I glance back to earth.  How far, far away home is now.  I have no idea how fast I am going as there is no way of telling.  I am in spirit now, not housed in a physical body.  I think back to my funeral and all the people who attended.  I didn't realize I had so many friends.  My family was wonderful with all they had to do, coping with my sudden death and seeing to all the arrangements.  I remember looking up at their faces as they leaned over me saying their last goodbyes.  Tears were falling and some of them fell on my cheek.  They couldn't hear me but I was saying to them, "It's okay, it's okay."  Looking back on my life I couldn't believe it was so short.  You are born, you live out your life and then you die.  You are remembered for awhile and then even those memories fade.  Everyone gets over you.  I remember the day my sister called, telling me that Dad had passed.  She was on her way to the hospital with him as he was having chest pains.  She had to leave him at the hospital to pick up something she forgot to bring with her.  She was on her way back to the hospital when she received the call that he had just died from a heart attack.  He was 87.  To this day, she is guilt ridden because she wasn't there for him.  Sister please understand that, "It's okay, it's okay.  You were there for him for many years.  Don't blame yourself for the one time you weren't.  It wasn't but a month later I was at my kitchen sink doing dishes when, all of a sudden, I felt Dad standing next to me.  He just sauntered in.  I stood there trying to get a handle on what I was feeling and then we started chatting.  It was just a how are you doing, I miss you sort of thing but the one overriding feeling I got was that this was his own personal goodbye to me as I wasn't able to attend his funeral.  He was there to tell me, "It's okay, it's okay."

Will you do one thing for me today?  No matter where you are, no matter who you are, no matter what you're doing...if you screw up, make a mistake, if you try hard and still fail, if you feel like just giving up and need to take a day off to cry or pound the walls, remember, "It's okay, it's okay."
     ~ Nightshade