Ever since the Las Vegas Massacre on October 2, I've been backpedaling. I was doing such a great job, connecting with my inner self (wounded child). Tapping into that unknown part of me and receiving positive feedback. Somehow, though, the shock in Nevada rerouted me and I'm back to square one.
One worthwhile thing I've learned from accessing my buried karma is learning I have the capability to actually take charge of my life. Fear is part of what makes up a human being but is vastly misunderstood and categorized as mostly bad. Actually, I believe it's a combination of good and bad. Fear is what kept the first humans from being hunted down, torn apart and then eaten, thousands of years ago. Fear is instrumental in helping you find the courage to confront your worst demons. Fear of the Unknown is what propelled men into space.
I have found, through meditation and literally talking out loud to fear that it is actually listening.
There are two parts to a human being. One is fear and the other is bravery (endure, meet, surrender). By surrender I don't mean giving in to fear by becoming fearful but calling it out, acknowledging that it is part of you and then literally start talking to it. Start a dialogue with it. You'd be surprised what a cleansing experience this is.
Fear and bravery are two separate tiers but interestingly enough, they have much in common. Fear, if left unchecked can consume and ruin a person's life. Bravery is all about tackling something fearful and learning that it will continue to exist as long as you allow it to. You have to learn how to put fear into its rightful place.
Another huge problem is we're not being taught how to do this. When you attempt to conquer fear it's through trial and error. Some things work, some things don't. You're literally on your own.
While I was "high" (positive) I was feeling like I've never felt before in my entire life. I was able to look at myself from the outside and do a full, internal body scan. Some things I liked about me and some things I disliked. But I realized that they were all part of what made me, me.
Forgiving yourself is another part of coming to grips with yourself. In order to forgive yourself you first have to know yourself and deep down. This is called Acceptance.
Let's stop pretending that we're all fearless and brave; we can handle anything until the time comes when we can't. That's when life teaches us we need help and how vulnerable we are.
What I am going through is a humbling experience because I know that it's for a reason and once this barrier is broken (fear) and I am able to come to grips with it, On My Own Terms, I will be unstoppable.
When we can learn to forgive ourselves and accept ourselves, how much easier it will be for us to accept and forgive others. There's a lesson in here for all of us, don't you think?
~Blessings,
Nightshade
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