Monday, December 26, 2016

Remorse


Okay, it's official. I'm on somebody's shit list.  There has been a falling out.  I'm now the target of someone's anger.  It doesn't matter that they were to blame for the angst they are feeling now, based on their own personal decision to do something that sent them along with everyone else hurtling out of control.

What I believe is happening is their decision not to communicate with me anymore is really directed at themselves (anger).   

They are feeling betrayed, much remorse, pain and guilt for what they did and are now coming to grips with it.  I tried to talk to them, reason with them, but they stung stubbornly to the belief that why they were feeling "betrayed" was my fault.

How is it that I can justify this saying that, "sometimes these painful experiences we have, whether self-inflicted or not, are exactly what are needed in order for us to finally come face to face with the demons hiding inside us?  --Because I've had them. 

How can you not expect hazardous fallout from a personal decision, the repercussions of which  caused hurt and pain not only in your life but in everyone else's?   

I've had more than my share of doing stupid things in my life that led to excrutiatingly painful periods in which I was forced to come face to face with myself.  I wasn't able to turn away because the guilt was welling up from within.  Every time I passed a mirror or brushed my teeth in the morning, the same face stared back at me reliving all the graphic details.   

It took me a good ten years to finally come to grips with what I did and realize that I had suffered enough along with everyone else around me.  The fact is we humans are two sides of a coin--one side shiny and polished (good) the other side dark and tarnished (bad).  Until we get the dark side under control, we're going to run into trouble.

After wishing everyone a Merry Christmas today with the exception of the one person who refused to talk to me, I was suddenly struck with a subtle realization. --that I was here precisely at the right time to talk with this person (even though at the moment I was getting nowhere)  because I had also suffered the same fate myself?

Could it be that the universe places people in different locations at different times precisely to be there when people need to hear the truth from others who have suffered through the same experiences that they endured?

Well, even though I feel that I am here at the right time and the right place, even though she could care less, I do believe that down the road the wisdom I've accumulated will be of help to her when she decides she wants to listen.  

BTW, isn't that what is expected from All of us?

~ Blessings,

     Nightshade